​The introduction of Black Panther in Captain America: Civil War is an excellent example of introducing a new character without a ton of flashbacks or expositions dumps and how to have a well-develop subplot with supporting characters that have depth.
 
But does Black Panther have enough to stretch into an entire movie based on him?
 
Oh, yes!
 
The story of Black Panther feels unique and fresh than a lot of superhero movies in the past. Part of this is because it isn't an origin story about a kid who got bit by a panther but is about the transition of power and our hero learning the struggles and dark secrets of being a king. The story covers some same tropes as other superhero films but plays out more like a light Shakespeare play set in Africa with a splash of James Bond. You won't get it till you see it, but it's great!
 
A majority of the film takes place in the fictional country of Wakanda which the director, Ryan Coogler, described as 'Afrofuturism.' It followed the idea of what if an African nation wasn't colonized and ripped of resources or people but grew and flourished to be the most advanced country in the world, and it is beautiful. The futuristic nation that leans a lot more in the sci-fi realm with an enormous amount of African culture and heritage in it, especially in the costumes which when you look at where they got the inspiration from, it's impressive.
 
Following that line of thought the score for the film, for the most part, doesn't sound like a Marvel film. I applaud this as past Marvel films have had a weak spot in the scores with a lot of them sounding a bit repetitive. Black Panther does have dull moments in the music, but overall you can hear the inspiration in the music from African nations, and it is great! There is a part however with a chase scene, done splendidly, that has a song, written and performed by Kendrick Lamar, that I wish they had turned the volume up on the song and down on the driving and shooting. That is more of a sound mixing complaint than a score one.
 
Lucky, all the creative settings, costumes, music, and plot are not in vain as the character are far from paper thin. Reaching from our hero and villain to the supporting cast, they are all the one thing that stuck out the most during the whole movie. All the performances are top notch, and the characters they represent are all well rounded with clear values and goals that even collide with allies making this one of the best acted Marvel films yet.
 
In all, Black Panther is above all a solid movie that feels unique and is a breath of fresh air with the settings, costumes, music, and acting that come together to make one of the best Marvel movies yet. So, watch it and have a blast!
 
Thanks for reading!

I am writing another blog about it. Not about the nominations and my personal picks or about how Blade Runner 2049 was snubbed for Best Picture, but about the Oscars themselves.

Growing up, I remember my family would always watch the Academy Awards. My father would print off a list of the nominations and check off his predictions and the actual winners afterward. As a kid and teenager, I usually didn’t see many of the nominations, so my guesses were just blind shots in the dark, mainly on the name. Later, I figured out how my dad was picking his nominations and getting a better win rate than I, even though he saw about the same amount as I.

He would take into consideration stuff outside of the movie itself. For actors and actresses, he would look at their track record, who has or hasn’t won yet, who’s been nominated the most and are they Meryl Streep. A modern example of this is Leonardo DiCaprio’s win for The Revenant. Yes, he deserved a nomination for it, but when you compare it to some of his recent nominations like Wolf on Wall Street or his best performance - in my opinion - Django Unchained  he would have had an Oscar already. Even his performance in The Revenant was under the shadow of Tom Hardy’s jaw-dropping performance in the same movie.

So, why did DiCaprio win for a good performance but not one of his best performance? Outside factors. Many voters finally felt like he was due a win and of course, for your consideration campaigners. Check out this clip from Adam Ruins Everything for more about that and how companies will spend ten million dollars on marketing just for a nod as that can get them twenty million more at the box office.
Now, if this were completely true, then the biggest movie of the year would win the Oscar every time, but they luckily don’t because they aren’t what some would say “Oscar stuff.”

What I mean by that is two things: First, the Academy loves movies about the movies. A great example is the 2012 Best Picture winner, The Artist. Personally, I love the film and think it deserved it, but I can’t deny the targeting the movie was doing. The film is a silent film about a silent actor during the age when talkies were coming into the market, and silent actors were fading into the background. It is a beautiful film that pays homage to films from the 1920s to the 1940s and to older actors that were brought up during that time; it’s sort of a no brainer why it wouldn’t win. The Academy sadly likes to stoke its own pride.

Second, the Academy likes to be a hipster. The example for this one is La La Land. It was similar to The Artist as it was a movie about actors and actress and paid homage to movie musicals of the 1940s and 1950s, and like The Artist, it is a great movie, but it had one thing going against it that it couldn’t shake. It was popular. Starting only in New York and L.A. and no marketing at all, it quickly spread by word of mouth because of the quality of storytelling, and before you know it, everyone saw it. This became a hurdle it couldn’t jump even when everyone “thought” they won in the greatest Oscar blunder. Moonlight, of course, was the winner of that year which lends to a bonus point on being “Oscar stuff” tone.

You can answer this quickly by watching the trailer and asking the question, “does this look Oscar-y?” Mainly, is it a historical movie? Does it romanticize the film industry? Does it look artsy? And biggest of all, is it a drama? Drama is the genre with the most nomination and wins for Best Picture than any other genre.
You may be asking now, “Is the Best Picture winner really the best picture of the year than with all these factors?” Maybe unsurprisingly, not really.

According to Metacritic, from 1994 to 2014, only three of the Best Picture winners were also the highest rated film of the year. Seven other years the highest rated film was nominated but didn’t win, while the other ten years the best-reviewed movie of the year wasn’t even nominated. A good example of this is the 2005 awards with Crash winning but was one of the weakest reviewed movies of the year.

With all that said, should we throw the Oscars out as some sort of Hollywood pride as they promote their ideas and egos? If you want to, I won't blame you, but I’m personally not going to throw it away yet. With all the flaws it has, the Oscars I still find fun by looking at the nominations and guessing who will win while still rooting for my own personal favorite. Yes, sometimes we get politically stuffed-acceptance speeches that aren’t really enjoyable to hear, but they have that right as anyone else does. Or we get a year like 2005 where there just were not that many great films up for nominations or just a lack of diversity every once in a while. But then we get a good year, like 2007 when we had several great films up for Best Picture: There Will Be Blood, No Country for Old Men, and Juno. Or you get a great, funny, family-filled speech from J. K. Simmons encouraging people to call their parents and tell them you love them. Or a genuinely surprised and humbled speech from an underdog like Eddie Redmayne who was truly surprised at winning when he was up against the acting titans of Michael Keaton, Steve Carell, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Bradly Cooper.

In the end, even with its sea of flaws, I still have fun watching the Oscars or looking over the winners, but in the end, you should never let them tell you what you should think is the best picture of the year. If it were me, I would say each film in The Lord of the Rings would win all the Oscars. The Academy helps us spawn conversations on what our favorite movie of the year is and not just follow their wins as law. It should help us look into why we think one movie is the best, examine them and ask questions. Because, the more we ask, look into, and learn the art of film the more we are inclined to appreciate the films we consider best picture even more.

Thanks for reading!

​The Room is considered the worst movie ever made, and The Disaster Artist is all about the making of it. The Disaster Artist follows Tommy Wiseau, the writer/director/producer/lead actor of The Room, and Greg Sestero, the supporting actor and author of the book that they used as the source material for this stranger than fiction tale.
 
You may ask if you need to see The Room before this film to appreciate it. I would say watching one of the many videos on how bad it is, and you will do just fine. There is a reason it is considered the worst movie ever. But is the movie about the worst movie ever made also bad?
 
In short, no.
 
In the starting scene, we are introduced to Greg Sestero, our main line of connection, as we see him painfully stumble through an acting class. It isn’t long till we meet Tommy Wiseau and see an even worst acting performance but also something else that Greg desperately wants. Bravery. We see an awkward friendship between them form, and before we know it, Greg is moving from San Francisco to Los Angles with Tommy. A move that makes part of you agree with his mother as she protests to her nineteen-year-old son’s move to a new place to share an apartment with a man in his late thirties wearing two belts and sunglasses.
 
We progress through the film mainly focused on their friendship with a lot of laughs along the way. The movie’s jokes are not through traditional punchlines but in the similar spirit that The Room unintentionally got its laughs. Through conversation topics, awkward looks, or mainly Tommy’s accent. James Franco’s accent is spot on which helps with the comedy but hurts with the serious conversations that come in a few times near the end. It wasn’t till the last heart to heart talk in the movie where I finally didn’t laugh as much but just gave some chuckles. Putting so much of the comedy on the accent and Tommy’s character puts a lot of weight on Franco, but he carries it well being able to deliver all his funny conversations and speeches as you think about how old he really is.
 
The Disaster Artist pays large and small homages to The Room. From shedding light to the main inspiration of the most memorable line of the movie to visual continuity errors, like having several kids having the same football in the background. It is these things that make it more enjoyable to fans of The Room, and that is who the film mainly targets.
 
Though the lens of the movie is on the friendship between Greg and Tommy, the main idea of chasing your dreams is the heart of the film. It delivers the idea well with showing the two friends never stopping from encouraging each other on their quest to be actors. It also shows what happens when you don’t give someone constructive criticism and say everything they do is great. However, The Disaster Artist fails to drive home the point as Tommy can chase his dreams fully because he can finance a full film crew. The film stays true to life, but you still can’t seem to shake the feeling that you could throw caution to the wind and chase your dreams just like Tommy if you had six million dollars just sitting in your bank account.
 
In the end, fans of The Room will enjoy every bit of The Disaster Artist while casual moviegoers will either laugh along or feel quite uncomfortable just like if they were watching The Room.
 
Thanks for reading!

This may not be new information to you, but the academy does not seem to like Science Fiction films. In the eighty-eight years the Oscars have been around only nine Sci-Fi films have been nominated for Best Picture, eleven if you count dystopian films. Star Wars, renamed Star Wars: A New Hope later, a renaissance film for the Sci-Fi genre lost Best Picture to Annie Hall, a Woody Allen romantic comedy. E.T. lost to Gandhi, Arrival to Moonlight.
 
Sci-Fi for over fifteen years is the only genre that does not have a Best Picture winner to its name. Fantasy used to have the same curse but broke it when The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King won Best Picture along with almost everything else that year. The Shape of Water is gaining steam as possibly the second fantasy film to win as it scooped up several nominations at the Golden Globes and setting eyes on the Oscars.
 
But what about Science Fiction? Can they ever get that win?
 
I believe they will and it will be soon, just look at last year. Arrival wasn't just a film the Academy put up there for viewership on ABC, it was a heavy contender and one of the greatest Sci-Fi films ever. Go watch if you haven't! And it wasn't just a one-time thing as the same director who did Arrival also brought us Sci-Fi's best chance yet last year, Blade Runner 2049.
 
Beyond all the praises I gave the film in my review, it also has a few other things that can help sway the voters as we always have to take in what they are thinking.
 
The talent in front and behind the camera is staggering and many of them have been nominated multiple times. The cinematographer Roger Deakins has been nominated thirteen times and hasn't won once even though he is considered the best in his field. Ryan Gosling, one of the most diverse and greatest actors of our generation, has been nominated twice and still got nothing. The director Denis Villeneuve has cranked out a film a year for the past five years. After seeing four of those the man knows how to make a movie. Oh, and the score was done by the next John Williams, Hans Zimmerman, who hasn't won since 1995 for The Lion King, and Benjamin Wallfisch, who also did the haunting score for IT.
 
Another thing Blade Runner 2049 has going for it - that I think the producers don't like - is that it was considered sort of a flop financially, but the critic scores were the opposite. The Academy is not fond of blockbuster films that everyone knows and loves. They sort of like to be hipster about their winners. That is one of the reasons Avatar lost to The Hurt Locker in 2010, that and The Hurt Locker was a far superior movie but back to the topic at hand.
 
On top of that, the majority of people who watched Blade Runner 2049 opening weekend were middle-aged men who are fans of the original. And there are a lot of middle-aged male voters in the Academy.
 
With all that, I think this is the best year yet for a Science Fiction film to win Best Picture. However, this is still speculation, and looking at possible contenders this year, it will be fierce. The Florida Project, Phantom Thread, Get Out, Dunkirk, The Post, and Lady Bird are just a few. The past year of news will also hurt Blade Runner 2049 as voters may want to favor a great film that speaks more to the events we are dealing with now. Blade Runner 2049 does do a wonderful job of representing a bleak future of what happens when we continue to view others human beings as objects to be used and abused. That is just one of the many questions the movie asks as it does not focus on the political climate or latest trend but on questions that every person of every generation ask themselves. But if it doesn’t win, this is still good for Sci-Fi in general as Blade Runner 2049 raises the bar for future Sci-Fi films. Even Citizen Kane lost to How Green Was My Valley. Sometimes the best ones lose, but the best ones don’t fade away as time goes by, just look at the original Blade Runner.
 
Thanks for reading.

Update: It didn't even get nominated for Best Picture. So,   Blade Runner 2049   is following the example of the original really well.

http://collider.com/oscar-best-picture-statistics/
​

If you don't like musicals, you may want to stop reading as this is a musical. A musical about the real-life P. T. Barnum, the founder of the Barnum & Bailey Circus. Following his ideas, rise and dips along his journey to creating the Barnum & Bailey Circus.
 
Since I am now only talking to those who watch musicals, let's go straight to the meat of it. The songs.
If you did not know, the songs were written and composed by Pasek and Paul, their most notable work before this was a little film called La La Land. Pasek and Paul do an excellent job; there isn't one song during the whole film that you can point out as bad. They all have a show tune vibe to them yet have a modern feel which is smart as it carries over the theme of what Barnum is trying to do with his new business. Are they as great as La La Land, no but you won't be disappointed.
 
To the people singing the songs and doing the dances, there wasn't an off-key voice or an out of step foot anywhere. Huge Jackman's voice carries just as it did in Le Miserable, but with a much lighter and happier tone, just like the entire movie. Zac Efron shows that he still has a healthy career ahead of him but Zendaya, though still relatively new to the film industry, goes the extra mile that shows she has the potential to be a heavy hitting actress.
 
The story took a different route than I expected, but then again, I didn't know anything about P. T. Barnum before this so, it had that going for it. However, the story is similar to 'a man who learned' story, but The Greatest Showman partook of the rise. They do a great job helping you root for Barnum until two thirds in when you find yourself saying to Barnum "Come on man," as you wonder if he will come to his sense.
 
Not going to lie, the CGI animals threw me off along with some human shrinking they did for one character. My family didn't notice it that much, but it is off-putting if you can see it. Though, this is a musical and not Star Wars. And the history The Barnum & Bailey Circus has with animals, it was a safe path to take using CGI ones.
 
All in all, a fun ride that I enjoyed. Fans of musicals will love it, and any moviegoer will walk away delighted as it was what seemed like one of the few well-made feel-good movies of 2017.

​Thanks for reading!

As news of the peace talks with the Fox rebellion falls upon my ears, all I see is weary eyes finding rest as family members of the Marvel house are reunited once again. We all see a bright future with the hope of X-Men and Avengers unite for the first time on the silver screen. I wish you all the best and hope the Fox rebellion will come to their sense for the greater good of all.

However, that is not the sole purpose of this letter.

News of the latest Star Wars film reaching great reviews and rumors of it breaking records again are stirring around the web again just as before. The excitement of seeing it with my family is beyond words, and I highly doubt that I will be disappointed.

Yet, that is still not the rumors I wish to speak of, nor the rumors of an unaltered original trilogy release, though that would be nice. No, I wish to speak of rumors that lay below rumors.

Thoughts that many Star Wars fans like myself have thought about but dare not to speak of it for fear of chasing the wind. Of building excitement and anticipation for something that will never be. To be content with just what-ifs and dreams of what it would look like, or should I say nightmares.

Yes, you know what I speak of, you have daydreamed of it as we all have. Hints of horror, a shrouded mystery, a path of discovery to a darker place, a darker tone, possibly even the first R rated Star Wars movie.

Yes, I speak of a Star Wars movie about the First Sith Lord!

Accept it, Disney! You have thought about the what-ifs as well, of a movie that had the feeling of those three minutes in Rogue One that made the audience feel fear and awe all at once for Darth Vader. 

Take it, Disney! The timing is perfect to start this and have it ready before Episode X! To launch a new stage of Star Wars movies spanning not only the timeline from before the Old Republic and Episode X but also the themes and tones.

Feel the power, Disney! With you resetting the Star Wars canon, you have full control to tell it as you like! Nothing is in your way from ultimate power and taking the Star Wars Universe to its full potential!

I can sense the inner turmoil in you to reject this unnatural feeling, but the Dark side of Star Wars is a pathway to many great films that some would consider to be unnatural.

The choice is your Disney.

Do or do not. There is no try.

From a lonely fan of Disney and Star Wars,

Samuel

​Thanks for reading!

​It’s that time again. The time where you find yourself madly scrambling trying to figure out what in the world to get your favorite writer for Christmas. Have no fear! I’m here to help—whatever your budget, these are gifts that any writer would love to receive.

It’s the gift that keeps on giving all year around! And there’s a few to choose from:  Writer’s Digest, The Writer’s Magazine, Poets and Writers, or Publisher’s Weekly .

Craft books are some of my most treasured books. My favorites include: Stephen King’s On Writing , Plot and Structure by James Scott Bell, and Donald Maass’ Writing the Breakout Novel.

​Not sure if they have a certain one? Give them an Amazon gift card (or a gift card to your local bookstore. I promise you can’t go wrong!)

​I write books. What’s your superpower? (yeah, that’s a t-shirt . . . you can get it here:)
 
Writers are superheroes (really, just think about it) You can get some fun literary action figures on Amazon including: William Shakespeare, Edger Allen Poe, and Jane Austen .

You could get a couple from a local roaster or have a roaster ship. There are also coffee subscriptions (another gift that lasts more than one time).
 
You could also go with a fun mug or coffee-inspired art.
 
This coffee poster from Pop Chart Labs is one of my favorites 
This mug is fun, and shows that you believe in your writer 

Fun tools. If we’re going to slave away on a novel, might as well make it fun right? I’d love to have one of these typewriter keyboards. 
 
Bookends. Writer’s love books. Bookends are the perfect gift to keep their most treasured tombs together. My favorites are: this beautiful agate pair from West Elm, these... because owls, and these awesome pineapple ones from Anthropologie.
 
Story Cubes. Because sometimes writer’s need help brainstorming. 
 
Writing maps. Speaking of brainstorming. These Writing Maps are amazing. 
 
Kindle unlimited subscription. When all else fails. Give the gift of books. If your writer doesn’t have a Kindle, you can gift them one for as low as $30.
 
On a tight budget this year? That’s ok! I have you covered. Hop over to my blog to see how you can love on your writer without spending a dime (or very few dimes). 

 and if you say Christmas, you're wrong and unthankful.

One of my favorite holidays is almost here! Where your extended family comes over for fellowship, sarcasm, questions, laughs, and most important of all, food.

With so many delicious options, you have to be ready when you get to the front of the line to fill your plate. You don't want to find yourself running out of room because you thought four spoonfuls of mash potatoes in the middle of your plate was a good idea.

That is why I am writing this, to help you prepare for when your time comes so you can get the most out of your first trip because we know seconds aren't guaranteed.

First: Plate handling.

No matter how great you are at placing and organizing your food, gravity will always ruin it. That why plate handling is the base of it all. Don't worry about a drink or silverware. You can go back later for that.

No matter if you are using your grandmother's china or paper plates, you must have your hand completely under the plate with fingers spread out like a football player that catches footballs. (As you can tell, I know everything about sports.) If you are just holding it by the edge, stop. You will be using too much energy and concentration on keeping it balance with mainly your fingers, and before you know it, your roll will roll right off, so don't roll like that. Your mindset here should be that your hand and plate are one. You can practice this with a plate and four apples or other round objects and do the Cupid Shuffle. Once you have that down, you won't have to worry about plate handling on game day.

Second: Priority Placement.

You will want everything. The first thing you come to you will want to fill your plate with it because of your excitement.

Do Not Do It!

Before your turn even arrives you need to have your priorities of food ready. What is absolutely necessary? What is nice to have? And what can I live without if it doesn't fit on the plate? You can't be stumbling to an answer on the day, or you will find yourself rushed through the line and all you have is roll and cranberry sauce.

Editorial Note: If you don't want your food touching, you are doomed.

First, divide your plate in your mind into two sides. 
On the left half, divide it again into thirds, this is where you will place your three favorite foods also know as the Towering Three. You should scoop a hefty spoonful or two regular spoonfuls of these.
On the right half, place your turkey next two one of the Towering Three that makes sense to have some mixing. Next, to the turkey place a regular spoonful of your fourth favorite food, better known as the Fourth Love, this should be a food that you can place half on the turkey, and it still tastes great. This will save you room in the long run. This should leave about a sixth of your plate open as a catch-all for new foods you didn't anticipate or the mighty roll. To save room place your roll on your turkey with the butter scrapped on the side of the plate near it or the mash potatoes.

Lastly, if you are still unable to get all the food you need in a single run after following all my advice, place yourself at the table with easy access to the food. This will also set you up for success when it comes time to the desserts.

Even if you don't follow this simple set up, I hope this article will at least mentally prepares you for Thanksgiving so that once you sit down, you have the best food with the best family company, even if they ask you that question they ask every year.

Thanks for reading and Happy Thanksgiving!

Charlie Brown is the  creative property of the Charles Schulz Estate 

In this day and age, it’s difficult to go anywhere without being aware of all the different stories and stimuli created by our peers. Recent advances in technology over the past decade have given us the ability to be more connected than ever. This has given us both many wonderful benefits and inevitable “problems.” While there are many we could discuss, I would like to focus our attention on envy and external validation. By the end, I hope to give you the ability to recognize these feelings and face them. 

​Envy is strange. It’s one of those things categorized into pettiness, and in more extreme cases, an act of sin in religious communities. Envy goes a lot deeper than other problems however because it doesn’t necessarily show on a surface level and you can’t always see that someone’s negative behavior is rooted in their jealousy. It’s a motivator that compels people to act more defensive and passive-aggressive. Everyone has felt it at one time or another, and those feelings have become more amplified due to exposure to social media. 

Recently a new term called “Instagram Envy” has surfaced. Instagram promotes a user’s ability to be creative and to make green monsters out of all their friends. When you look at other people’s photos, you’re looking at glimpses into their lives. You’ll see graduation photos, getaway vacations, engagements, pregnancy announcements, you name it. Seeing these moments can force us into a state of “Comparisonitis.” Or the act of unfairly comparing your faults and disappointments to someone else’s accomplishments and opportunities. It also doesn’t help that these photos can also be digitally altered on the fly to look even more vibrant than they are. This causes us to exaggerate our own failures and fantasize the lives of others. 

(By the way, here’s a shameless plug for my Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/styler1775/ )

Observe my creative photo angle of the wine rack! Doesn’t it show my creativity? 

Notice how I’m not so subtly baiting for your approval? This photo might make me look like a connoisseur of fine wine, but allow me to reveal to you that I know absolutely zilch when it comes to wine. To be honest, I’m not even that big a fan of wine. Sure, I’ll drink it if you offer it to me, but if you start asking me my professional opinion, I’m just going to respond. “Yep… It’s fruity!” 

Now did I post that photo to give you the impression that I’m living the fancy life? Nope. I just thought it looked neat. I didn’t care what people were going to think. I said, “This might make for a good picture,” so I took it, regardless of how many people I thought were going to see it and like it. I want you to take note of this mindset because we’ll be exploring it later. 

It’s likely everyone has experienced this form of envy one time or another, and I just want you to know, that’s ok. It can be very demoralizing to be sitting at home during Halloween looking at all the happy couples on Facebook who have synchronized costumes while you’re sitting in your room re-watching Stranger Things season 2 for the third time. Not only that but when you see someone else having a great time with life while you’re barely getting by it only builds into your need for conformity and approval from others. Which leads nicely into my next topic…

​You can’t talk about envy without addressing its cousin issue “external validation.” Now to be perfectly clear. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to conform and be part of a group. In fact, it’s built into us evolutionarily as a means of survival. As human beings, we do in some instances need the acceptance of others. We need it to be a part of groups and to find partners for survival. This is why there’s so much anxiety centered around being rejected by a romantic interest.

​I just really want to reach into that comic and tell Charlie Brown that everything is going to be ok.
 
The problem is centering your happiness on external forces rather taking agenda over your own attitude.
                 
 
Take Marty Mcfly from Back to the Future. A lot of his fears are centered around whether or not his musical talent will be accepted. 

“What if they say I’m no good? What if they say, get outta here kid, you’ve got no future?
            I mean, I just don’t know if I can take that kind of rejection.” – Marty

​Then later in the film. Marty’s dad drops a bomb of a revelation on him.

​He gives the same kind of response that Marty gave early. He’s not alone in his fears, and neither are we. The subject may be different, but whether it’s talking to a romantic interest or chasing your passion, rejection hurts and we’ll all face it at some point. It’s not until our characters are thrown into conflict that they’re forced to face that fear. The same goes for real life. Conquering your anxiety requires consciously walking into discomfort and ultimately living through it.

​Do you post too much on social media? Does your esteem take a hit when you don’t get a lot of reactions or no reaction from a certain person? Do you constantly post selfies of yourself? Are you constantly updating your profile picture? Are you making status updates for every little activity no matter how menial? If any combinations of these represent you, you’re seeking some form of external validation, and you probably need to take a break from social media for a while to break that addiction.
 
If you do post something, post it because it matters to you. Do it because you want to savor the memory, not to see how people will react or to get back at an ex. On top of that, don’t post anything that doesn’t build into the narrative of your life. I.e. Don’t post something just for the sake of posting. Treat Instagram like a scrapbook or a photography club. Treat Facebook like your personal storybook. If you do something with authenticity, it will show and people will gravitate toward you.
 
On the topic of needy people: Insecurities can be revealed by seeking constant approval from relationships. This is what is known as “needy” behavior. It all comes from a place of fear. Their relationship is a source of happiness and losing that joy would be detrimental to their self-worth so it must be maintained at all costs, even if they don’t realize that the constant maintenance will be more likely to drive people away. Think of it like watering a plant. You don’t want to die from dehydration, but you also don’t want to drown it. Your life has to have more in it than just keeping your plant alive.
 
Another thing I’d like to recommend for more personal instances: Sometimes we get rejected by people we care deeply for. Seeing their selfies and perpetual joy on social media drives us crazy. Looking at it is like hearing that person say “I was so bored before, but guess how much fun I’m having now without you!” You need to stop doing that to yourself. The only cure for unrequited love is distance plus time. Facebook has a way for you to unfollow people without letting everyone know if you would like to avoid any drama. However, if it hurts to look at someone on social media you need to break it off because it literally causes you emotional harm and you need time away to reflect and heal. I also wouldn’t recommend being like Adele and writing your pain into a song for all to hear. (Because again, that’s seeking external validation.)
 
Aziz Ansari on Ghosting
(EXPLICIT: Some cursing present. Viewer’s discretion is advised.)

​First and foremost, you need to accept that you are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. You are what you do, not what happens to you. It’s not about the hand you’re dealt, it’s how you play it. Change what you can, accept what you can’t. You need to accept yourself. Mistakes and all. Know what you are, own it. If you’ve already defined yourself no one else can do it for you.
 
On top of that, you need to also accept your successes. That sounds obvious but think about it. How many times do you stop and think about the great things you’ve done? Probably less than you should. It’s easier to be negative, that’s why we need to be mindful and remember to take the good with the bad. It doesn’t matter how small the accomplishment.
 
Make a note, write down every day something your proud to have done. Take that time to reflect. Don’t bottle up any emotions either. You need to express them in a healthy way through some form of expression. I have found writing it down to be quite effective. Most of all, don’t ask people to tell you what they think are your best qualities, it needs to come from YOU.
 
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Mistakes get made. Don’t beat yourself up over it. People tend to be more worried about themselves than what you do anyways.
 
 Sometimes you run into someone in a bad mood. Sometimes people are jerks. That’s no reason for you to lose your cool. Brush it off. Let it roll off your back. It’s not passive behavior to turn the other cheek. It’s actively making a choice not to allow someone else to control how you feel. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone except yourself.
 
Pain is inevitable, suffering is self-inflicted. You’re going to get hurt. You’re gonna feel down occasionally. When it happens, write it down, or just take note of your emotions and thoughts as they happen. Take a moment and say “I feel this emotion,” and then “Why do I feel that way?” You will need time to reflect.
 
Having self-respect or confidence is not just something you’re born with. It comes from experience and being willing to be vulnerable. It is being uncomfortable and ultimately surviving the discomfort that builds confidence.
 
Now, I am not a doctor. What I’m suggesting comes from my own experiences. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking counseling or professional help, and if you feel as though your life is somehow deficient in some way, I would suggest you do so. Even just asking for help from a loved one is a good idea. But please, whatever you do, don’t be silent.
 
Remember that having self-validation is not necessarily the end-all-be-all of life. As I said before, human beings are social creatures, and it is in our communities that we find our place in life. No man or woman should stand alone. You should seek the advice of your elders and people you trust. If you’re a Christian, you should seek guidance in your faith and your religious leaders. Praying is an effective form of reflection that allows you to take a moment to calm your mind and rejuvenate.

​Without a doubt, self-validation is incredibly rewarding. It makes others want to be around you more and talking to them easier. It means you worry less and expect better and when you expect better, better things happen. Having faith in yourself helps you to be an even better cooperator. Remember, social media isn’t the culprit. It’s a tool for your benefit or determent depending on your ability to control your own impulses.
 
 When you’re so secure in yourself and there’s nothing inside that can hurt you, then nothing outside can hurt you either.

I just want to take a moment to thank Sam Ellenwood for letting me post on his blog, and if you would like to know more about curing social insecurities, I’m going to be exploring more on the topic on my own blog at https://ambercladblog.wordpress.com/about/